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This was published when the organisation was the Royal Pharmaceutical Society.

How do you build and maintain an effective mentoring relationship with your mentee or mentor?

Building and maintaining an effective mentoring relationship with your mentee or mentor isn’t as easy as you might think. We’ll help you identify common issues and challenges to build a collaborative approach and enable you to find solutions together.

You might also want to read our guide to setting and agreeing ground rules. This explains the importance of setting ground rules at the start of a relationship so that both parties know what to expect from the outset.

Setting and managing expectations

When forming a new mentoring relationship, it’s vital to establish good rapport. You can do this by setting clear and realistic expectations, whilst acknowledging that they will be different for each individual you are linked up with.

Take time to talk through goals, what you’d both like to achieve, but also how you want to work and communicate with each other. Discuss how you might work together if there are areas which are different for you, for example your preferred method of communication. It’s always best to be honest to avoid misunderstandings arising.

Below are some examples of how expectations can be managed, considering the other person in the relationship.

Mentee expectations

Think about your mentor’s role when considering expectations. They can use their own experience to help you consider your next steps. They’re unlikely to tell you what to do, but you can expect them to provide options or guidance.

• Job searching – we know many of our mentees are looking for support searching for jobs or new opportunities. Your mentor may be able to provide you with tips and recommend useful websites, but not find jobs for you. Ask them how much support they can offer you – they may be able to help you prepare for applications and interviews, for example.
  • To help you manage your expectations here, be specific about what help you need, a review of your CV or practice interview, for example, and don’t be disappointed if they’re not able to support you here. These requests often require planning on your mentor’s part, and it could just be that time is a challenge.
• Once you’ve determined what you need support with, your mentor may be able to provide some really sound advice, but as the main driver of your development, you may need to think how you take this forward yourself. If you’re still unsure – again, just be honest and check if your mentor is able to provide you with further support and guidance.
• Try not to compare any previous mentoring relationships you’ve been in, and acknowledge that all mentors may have different approaches, based on their own experiences and professional journey. Remember, you can have multiple mentors, so reach out to as many as you need to support you and help meet your expectations.

Mentor expectations

As a mentor, it is important to recognise that mentees have varying development needs, and you may have to adapt your mentoring style to build a collaborative mentoring relationship. 

Sometimes, your expectations of them as a mentee may not be met, and this can cause tensions if not appropriately managed. 

Here are some examples and suggestions for overcoming these and still being supportive:

• Remember, your mentee may have been trying to solve problems for some time; you may expect them to implement your suggestions quickly to reach their goal, but any progression is something to be proud of, so try to motivate them to take even small steps; if it is a specific task you are helping them with, for example finding a job or developing new skills, then have an honest conversation and speak to them about what specifically you can support them with, to get going.
• Your mentee may not always take your advice but try not to take it personally if they decide not to, as the main driver of their development they may choose a different approach to take forward; it could be useful to openly acknowledge and discuss the difference – their approach may be something that you go on to recommend to others in future; many mentors often learn from conversations with mentees during mentoring relationships; the fact that you’ve helped them make a decision is helpful.
• Try not to compare previous mentoring relationships you’ve been in, and acknowledge that all mentees may have a different view on the advice you provide; if your mentee does not follow your recommendation and regrets not doing so, rather than being critical, try encouraging them and talk through the pros and cons of their approach, before suggesting an alternative.

Managing unexpected challenges

Work and personal challenges are just some of the unforeseen situations that can impact the time spent on a mentoring relationship.

Our members have shared some scenarios below that can impact relationships if not managed appropriately, and we’ve provided some suggestions how to manage these effectively.

Remember, it’s always best to be open and honest and discuss any challenging situations, as this will help you build a trusting and effective relationship.

Scenario	Suggested action
You are running late for a planned meeting (e.g. due to unforeseen events).	At your first meeting: set ground rules and mutually agree how you will best manage this situation, for example how you will contact and update each other. If this arises: ensure you keep your mentee/mentor informed and let them know when you might be able to join. After the situation: discuss options to avoid this situation happening again. If you have a regular meeting, it might be a good idea to review and check that this still suits you both.
You are no longer able to attend a planned meeting (e.g. due to a change in commitments).	At your first meeting: agree how much notice you will give each other if you cannot attend a meeting, for example a day or a few hours prior to the meeting. If this arises: let your mentee/mentor know as soon as possible using your agreed method of communication. After the situation: keep the other person informed of when you’d like to reschedule and mutually agree a time. You can also discuss what you will do differently to avoid the situation happening again.
Your mentee or mentor forgets to attend or misses a meeting.	At your first meeting: after each meeting, set a reminder or send a calendar appointment to both your diaries/Outlook. If this arises: if your mentor/mentee hasn’t turned up to the meeting you could remind them to join, even if a little delayed – it may just have slipped their mind. After the situation: discuss the reason you missed the meeting and think about ways to prevent the situation happening again.
Your mentee or mentor loses focus during meetings (e.g. due to distractions).	At your first meeting: agree to find a comfortable place for meetings. If you are meeting in person, perhaps a quiet office or a café. If the meeting is via phone or video call you could find a quiet place in your home. To help you both stay focussed, you could review your agenda/actions and share any notes in advance of the meeting so you can stay on track. If this arises: if you’re feeling distracted, be honest and let the person know at the start of the meeting. The reasons for the distraction could be something you explore together during the meeting and at least the other person is aware. You could take notes that you could review following the meeting when you are feeling less distracted. After the situation: reflect on what may have caused the distraction and try to eliminate it from future meetings.
You are no longer able to participate in the mentoring relationship (e.g. due to a change in priorities or increase in workload).	At your first meeting: agree that if your circumstances or mentoring needs change, you will let you mentee or mentor know as soon as possible. If this arises: if this situation arises, and you are on the receiving end, remember not to take it personally – situations and plans can change at any time. As a mentor, if you can no longer guide your mentee, try to be supportive and offer guidance on your mentee’s immediate next steps – possibly signposting back to the platform to find another mentor. As a mentee, if you no longer have the time for the mentoring relationship remember to thank your mentor for the time and support they may have provided you with. After the situation: as a mentor if you no longer have the capacity (even if temporarily), you can turn off your availability on the mentoring platform, to prevent receiving further mentee requests.

And finally, ahead of your first meeting, read our guide on listening skills in mentoring.